Encompassing Grief: 3/365
The natural part of life that instills a pain so great, it's impossible to articulate. You know, emotions are understood by every language. We all know how it feels to be sad, to be happy, to be angry, to be surprised. Looking at another person, no matter their language, you know how they're feeling. But grief? Grief is so complex and specific to each person. My grief does not look like yours. Yours does not look like mine. And tomorrow? My grief may look different than today. It changes by the moment. It brings up joy, sorrow, guilt, childhood memories, smiles, tears, anger. It brings up so.much.stuff. As I set this picture up, I had myself together. I simply wanted to recognize this moment in my life, to celebrate it in a way. A life, completely worth celebrating. As I took my shot, a swirl of memories entered my mind. Her smiley eyes. Her giggle. Her thick Philly accent, even just her sweet voice. I won't ever hear her voice again. Her little life lessons given in a simple passing sentence. The immense love and pride she has for her children and grandchildren. My breath was pulled out of my chest. I fell out of focus and lost my grounding. This, this is grief. It grabs ahold of you when least expected and bubbles up with no warning.
Today and for days ahead, I will hold memories tightly. I will cry and smile through my grief. I will thank God for 33 years of memories and nearly 94 years of stories. I thank God for the evolving, growing relationship I was so fortunate to have with her. I'm thankful that my daughter's eyes turn into hers when she is smiling at her biggest. I am thankful she is finally where she wants to be. In my grief, I am thankful and know that she will always be with me.
Love and God Bless, my sweet Memom.