Doctor's Visit: 5/365

My little guy woke with a nasty fever yesterday. Can you believe it's the 3rd fever he's ever had in his life? Despite this, I immediately set into panic mode when my kids are sick. Not a typical "I don't want my kids to be sick" panic, but unadulterated anxiety bubbles up from deep down and threatens to take me down with it. It takes everything in me to fight this panic. Self talk, breathing, meditation, more self talk. I know full well that a fever isn't the end of the world. He was eating and drinking, but I was still slightly panicked. We decided to make a doctor's appoint for the next day. With flu and RSV going around, I didn't want to take a chance. Don't you know he woke with no fever? And despite being a super adorable, well behaved little boy at the doctor's office, every other waking hour with this child today was a full blown tantrum. There was maybe an hour this evening that he was quiet and playing. Every.other.hour... no, minute... this child was screaming his head off. Just until about 5 minutes ago.

This little moment by the fish tank gave me a moment of pause. A much needed moment. His joy for seeing Olaf and the cute fish made him beam. If only for a second, I had a happy little boy.

I am completely drained. Here's hoping tomorrow is a little more quiet with more moments of pause.

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